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Saturday, November 19, 2005so difficult to continually post...suppose that quale has the exact same nature as the divine. it seems counterintuitive, but hear me out. qualia are those distinct sensations that seem separate from causation, for example, the 'flooding' sensation of being in love, or the sensation of pain from stepping on a nail. those experiences are said to have certain qualia about them, in that there is something being experienced in those actions. for example, i could hypothetically set up an exact replica of the nervous structure of a foot, and manipulate it in such a way that it reacts the exact same way as a a real foot would when stepping on a nail, but without the observer there to experience it there is no quale. qualia, naturally, are a complete mystery to us except for the way that we experience our own version of them. example: "how do you know that what you see as red and what i see as red are the same, maybe it looks like what i call green to you but you've learned to call it red". now for the divine. too many different versions to list, so i'll put what i'll call off-brand generic god: omniscient, omnipotent, omnipresent, and having some sort of plan. i think that these two abstractions are potentially identical in nature and in impact/manipulative capability. but i'll post why later. getting a bit more personal, i'm not sure if i any longer know how to verbally communicate myself to the person that used to be able to see what i was thinking. granted, i'm being a stubborn bastard and clearly holding on to something that may have only once been an ideal, of which nothing remains. but if there's anything that i've learned in the past couple years, its that those intangible ideals are one of the few things worth left striving towards. anybody can reach a goal that's always only an arm's-length away, but how many people can be dumb enough to not even be able to see that goal, and jump for it anyway? maybe i'm that dumb. most people would call me naively (or perhaps ignorantly??) idealistic, but maybe those people will never get what i will eventually lay claim to. and, it may be that the world works in strange, incomprehesible mechanisms, and that maybe if i just try something ass-backwards, like giving up on it, just maybe then things will "turn out" for the best. but then again, maybe there's a reason that i just called it ass-backwards logic, and people who like to shake the long-term perspective stick should go shake it at the landfill of dead and buried desires. how many times have we all heard "if i could just go back...", or "its to bad that i didn't..."? i mean, aren't most regrets a result of not fulfilling a certain want at some point or another? i always get to that point-its really not all that difficult to get to. but then i remember that someone else has to be taken into consideration here, that when it comes right down to it i've actually become capable, and have actualized, of putting someone else's experience before my own. circles and circles and circles and lets just relax..... back to the beginning. ...there's something here, in me, and i would like nothing more than to be able to share it with someone. i promise, whoever you are, it will be worth your while. i promise.
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